Wedding Day Blues
by Chibi Rose Angel
Summary: What happens when the Joker crashes the superhero wedding of the century? You end up with a highly entertained Nightwing, an amused Oracle, a grumpy Red Hood, two bewildered Robins, and a very sheepish Superman.


_**Author's Notes**_ : Hi guys! Another plot bunny courtesy of Alex over at Batman Writers Unite. We were talking about what if the Joker showed up and This is an alternate take on what happens when the Joker crashes the wedding of the century! I know the manga will probably make it a lot more bloodier than what I wrote. Italics will denote character thoughts.

Just as Batman is about to lean down and kiss Catwoman, the door flies open.

"Batsy! You'd better have a good explanation for why I didn't get an invite to the wedding."

Everyone else has gone deathly quiet, except for Nightwing. He erupts into uncontrollable laughter, however, Red Hood looks irritated. Red Robin and Robin tense. They're always prepared for a fight whenever all of the family gets together. Red Hood shoves his brother's shoulder. "Care to share why you're laughing so hard when we have a murdering psycho standing mere feet away from us?"

Nightwing can't get the words out properly. He's near tears so Oracle (let's pretend she never went back to Batgirl). "He and Batman had an ongoing bet as to who would crash the wedding. Harley or Joker. Bruce has to pay up. That's why he's losing it."

Red Hood stares ahead blankly for a minute before punching his brother's arm. "And you both failed to mention this to me because? I could have at least offered some ideas for the loser!" Shrugging her shoulders, she can't wipe the smile off of her face. "Blame your brother. I had nothing to do with this."

Red Hood crosses his arms, still wondering why and how he's related to this family. Superman chuckles while Lois looks mildly disturbed. "Aren't you a little bothered by this?" Superman smiles while pulling her close. "If you think that's bad, you should see them on patrol. It's the stuff of legends."

She laughs softly before asking another question. "Do I even want to know why you know all of this?" Looking away from his wife, he grins sheepishly. "Let's just say that I've been around them way too long." Lois puts her head on his shoulder, murmuring quietly, "Why am I not surprised?"

"Well Batsy! I'm waiting! Got people to venomize, banks to rob, etc, etc, etc." The Joker waves his hand impatiently.

Batman looks downright dangerous. _'The one time that I get to kiss her in public! Damn clown!'_

Just as he's about to stalk down the altar, Catwoman grabs his arm. "You're not in the best of moods. Let me handle him tiger." Batman crosses his arms, grunts and turns his head away in his anger.

"I'll make it up to you later. I promise." He nods, still not bothering to look back at the audience.

Catwoman walks down the altar, barely containing her own anger. "Should have killed the damn fool when I had the chance. But no, Batman and his no kill policy."

The Joker smiles widely. "Oh Batsy. Can't fight your own battles anymore? Have to have the missus do your dirty work now?" Some of the audience is laughing nervously but one look from Batman silences them.

"You really need to get a life. I mean seriously! Aren't you and Harley still an item? Or did she finally get tired of being your girl?"

Frowning heavily, the Joker huffs. "That's none of your business!"

Unable to resist the chance to take a jab at the sociopath, Red Hood smugly declares rather loudly, "She left his sorry ass for Poison Ivy! Word has it that they're very comfortable and happy with each other."

The whole crowd bursts out into raucous laughter. Even Batman can't resist smiling slightly. "That would explain why Harley seems so much healthier and happier!"

"That's not important! I'm still waiting for my answer!"

Catwoman put one hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow. "What's the rush? You decided to crash the party uninvited so what's a little bit of teasing between us?" The Joker still looked like a cross between irritated and insulted. "That's a private matter and besides she'll come crawling back once she realizes that Pammy gets bored easily. Now quit stalling and answer the question!"

Oracle decided to take a chance and aim another smart comment at one of their sworn enemies. "Don't tell me you're here to confess that you're in love with Batman!" More laughter broke out among the crowd. That was the last straw for the Clown Prince of Crime.

Throwing his hands up in exasperation, "Batman is supposed to be single! No kids, no romance, no strings attached! I don't like sharing my property! You and those brats ruined everything! It was just perfect when it was just the two of us! You cheated on me!"

You could hear a pin drop after his rant was over. Either that or it was like a needle scratching a record player. The entire Batfamily was stunned speechless except for Nightwing who started laughing again. He was so tickled that he fell out of his chair but not before yelling in between bouts of giggling, "I told you this was going to happen sooner or later!"

Red Robin snorted. "Now I'm started to wish that I would have gotten in on that bet!" Robin, on the other hand, looked horrified. "Was your relationship with Mother a lie? Father, how could you do this!" Even Oracle couldn't help herself. "Oh wow B! Didn't know you swung both ways!"

Batman looked stunned for a moment before absolute revulsion crawled all over his skin. Before he could respond to the wild accusations, Catwoman blushed profusely in anger before blurting out, "First of all, I can assure you that he's not gay or bisexual. I've got plenty of knowledge on that front. Secondly, you're not capable of love! If you were, you'd have treated Harley better than you did. And lastly, Batman doesn't like you! The only reason why you're still breathing especially after what you did with Jason and Barbara is because I convinced him not to kill you. Now if you don't want me to kill you, I'd suggest you leave or I'll force you to." The entire time she was speaking, her hand was slowly inching towards her whip.

The Joker rolled his eyes. "I'm not afraid of you. Besides, I called dibs on him first Kitty. Everyone knows that you're second rate compared to all of the other partners he's had. Only reason you're not dead or in Arkham is because he feels sorry for you. Plus you're just a glorified call girl. Ever stop to wonder why it took so long for him to pop the question or settle down with you? And don't even wonder how I know that much. This is my playground and I'm not sharing him anymore!"

After finishing his speech, the Joker pulled out a snubnosed revolver. "If I can't have him, then no one will!"

The crazed fiend lifted the gun to shoot at Batman but a barrage of batarags went flying towards him. He nimbly dodged the weapons and opened fire, only to see the bullets bounce off of Superman's chest. Catwoman finished the job by snapping her whip out, making sure to aim for his neck, Tightening the whip around his neck, she pulled him down to the ground and walked over to him.

"Truth be told, I should kill you where you are but I'm no murderer especially on my wedding day! One last time, leave or you won't like the consequences."

The Joker's eyes were slightly bulging out as his hands reached out to try and ease the pressure on his neck. Batman didn't look too pleased with Superman saving his life or his wife's behavior. ' _Since_ _when_ _did_ _she_ _get_ _so_ _angry_?'

The deranged clown managed to flip off before a well placed kick to the groin shut him up followed by a blast of artic breath from Superman.

"Now that we've taken out the trash..." She smiled brightly and walked straight to her spouse, grabbed him by his face and kissed him soundly. The audience broke out in applause with a few catcalls and whistles thrown in for good mixture.


End file.
